Penis-SHORTENING Devices

Incredible but true; even as we moan about how we are never sufficiently endowed,  penis-SHORTENING devices have existed as far back as the 13th century!

Persian humanist, philosopher, and poet Jalal-ud-Din Muhammad Rumi (1207–1273) gives an amusing description of woman-donkey sex in his poem, “The Importance of Gourdcrafting”. Cited below is an English translation by Barks (1995):

There was a maidservant
who had cleverly trained a donkey
to perform the services of a man.

From a gourd,
she had carved a flanged device
to fit on the donkey’s penis,
to keep him from going too far into her.

She had fashioned it just to the point
for her pleasure, and she greatly enjoyed
the arrangement, as often as she could!

The maidservant’s mistress “peeked through a crack in the door and saw the animal’s marvelous member and the delight of the girl”, and (what the hell) joins with the donkey, ignoring her servant’s advice to use the gourd:

Her fire kindled more,
and the donkey politely pushed as she urged him to,
pushed through and into her intestines,
and without a word, she died.

Rumi provides two moral warnings at the end of the poem: “Don’t sacrifice your life to your animal soul” and “Don’t open your shop before a Master taught you the craft.”

The irony of it all is just too much for me to take! ^_^

It was only three centuries later that the existence of a similar device is recorded in the history annals.

In 1593, the surgeon Guilhelmius Fabricius Hildanus (1560–1634) published a medical report in “Observationum et curationum chirurgicarum centuriae I–VI” titled “Pain and infertility caused by a too large penis“. Below is the translated version of the original text in 1656:

A nobleman, of stout, healthy, and exceptional large constitution, was married to a noble, beautiful and sprightly woman who–during the two years of married life–not only showed infertility, but also a declining health.

The mother of the woman, most circumspectly asking for the cause of her daughter’s illness, obtained at least one answer: the exceptional length of her husband’s penis in the fervent embrace was not only causing her severe pain, so that long after the gathering she still felt herself; yes, that her miserable parts showed signs of it.

The mother, seeing the mouth of the womb covered with ulcers, brought her daughter to me in Cologne, in the year 1593. I was consulted, and understood, through the mother, the complete details of her ailment. I gave the advice, that she should deny her husband’s company and fervent embrace, purify her body gently from time to time: instructing the mother that she twice or three times a day bring [ointments made of herbs] into the vagina and the mouth of the womb. The disease cured due to these measures, so she was visited by her husband at Koln, and seriously supposing that, the work will succeed, as previously: but anxiety overwhelmed her, thinking about the past suffering: I was addressed again, I gave her advice, that her husband, before going to battle, should cover his belly with a shield, made of cork, which was covered with soft linen and wool, which should prevent the deep penetration of the penis: being as thick, as was sufficient to us, leading to a shortening of the too large length, in the middle a hole; on the outside smooth and even, on the inside hollow, for prominent hucklebones, but overall well lined.

This shield he put on, making the art well: even she felt no pain, and she even fancied it; which was shown by the result: because she was soon fertilized, and gave birth to a beautiful, well developed daughter, as I saw in the year 1611, with her mother and other children, born from her, at the city of Cologne. Serious diseases can be prevented by simple measures; because here, without any doubt, filthy, rotten, and incurable ulcerations should have been the consequence.

 

This is a drawing of the masculine shield, with bandages, which should be tied together on the back, but its size should be determined from the size of the body and the size of the private parts.

The woman described above was said to most likely have suffered from “positional deep dyspareunia”, which basically refers to “painful coitus”, or “difficult and/or painful sexual intercourse”. It would appear that here, the dyspareunia had a simple cause: her husband’s disproportionally large penis! >_<